Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Hilary has received advanced clinical training in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) that she employs in couples counseling both in-person and virtually through telehealth.
EFT is an evidence-based approach to help couples identify and change negative patterns of interaction that create distance and conflict.
Scroll down for a list of recommended resources.
Emotionally Focused Therapy was developed in the 1980s by psychologists Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg. The model is grounded in the attachment theory of John Bowlby, a 20th century British psychiatrist trained in the tradition of psychoanalysis. Bowlby theorized that a child’s instinct to seek and maintain close contact with caregivers is an innate force, the result of years of evolutionary adaptation. His contribution laid the foundation for an important shift in the way we view the emotional needs of children and adults. Dr. Sue Johnson’s significant accomplishment in the development of EFT was to integrate attachment theory with experiential and systemic approaches in psychology. Her own groundbreaking research demonstrated that adult relationship distress is often driven by unmet attachment needs and fear of emotional loss, rather than surface-level communication problems.
By focusing on underlying attachment needs, EFT helps couples to access primary emotions, communicate them in new ways, and respond to one another with greater empathy and security. This process supports lasting change, deeper connection, and more satisfying relationships.
Today EFT is recognized as the gold standard, evidence-based approach to marital counseling which supports deep relational healing and long-term change. Research has demonstrated that participation in EFT:
Helps 70–75% of couples move from distress to recovery
Creates lasting improvements in relationship satisfaction and emotional closeness
Reduces relationship conflict and emotional reactivity
Strengthens secure attachment bonds between partners
Improves communication, trust, and emotional responsiveness
Shows sustained results well beyond the end of therapy
How EFT Helps Couples
Emotionally Focused Therapy helps couples move beyond surface-level communication problems to address the emotional and relational patterns that keep them feeling disconnected and misunderstood. Rather than focusing on “who is right” or problem-solving in areas of content, EFT looks at the deeper pattern of interaction that becomes entrenched over time when partners feel hurt, fearful, or abandoned.
In EFT, couples learn to recognize the negative cycle that fuels predictable patterns of conflict, like pursuing with blame and criticism or shutting down emotionally. These patterns are understood as attempts to protect the relationship when emotional connection feels threatened. By better understanding the negative cycle and learning to share the vulnerable feelings hidden beneath it, partners begin to understand the underlying emotions and attachment needs shaping their reactions.
Emotionally focused therapy helps each partner access and express deeper emotions in a way that feels safe and constructive. As these vulnerable emotions are shared, the other partner is supported in responding with greater empathy, responsiveness, and care. Over time, this process of “corrective emotional experience” with one another creates increased emotional safety, allowing both partners to feel more secure, valued, and understood.
As emotional safety grows, couples often notice meaningful changes: communication becomes clearer, conflicts de-escalate more quickly, trust is rebuilt, and intimacy deepens. EFT supports couples in developing new ways of turning toward one another during moments of stress, strengthening their bond and creating lasting change in the relationship.
Emotionally focused therapy is especially helpful for couples experiencing recurring conflict, emotional distance, trust injuries, or life transitions. EFT provides a structured, research-supported path toward deeper connection, resilience, and secure attachment.
Resources
Below are some recommended resources Hilary offers clients once they begin EFT.
Core Works by Sue Johnson
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love
Johnson’s bestselling guide to building secure, lasting relationships using Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Created for Connection: The “Hold Me Tight” Guide for Christian Couples (with Kenneth Sanderfer)
A highly recommended Christian-friendly adaptation of Hold Me Tight
Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships
Explores the science behind love and secure attachment in romantic relationships
Other EFT Resources for Couples
Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime by EFT therapist Julie Menanno
A self-help book that uses attachment theory to help couples build secure, lasting bonds by understanding their negative cycles and unmet needs
Therapist Julie Menanno does a complete regimen of EFT therapy with a real-life couple
Attachments: Why You Love, Feel, and Act the Way You Do by Tim Clinton and Gary Sibcy